ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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