My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
