lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
