I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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