It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
