I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
