Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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