There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
