I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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