Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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