Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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