i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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