Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
