hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
