Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize