i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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