I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
