At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
