my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
