get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
