i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
