Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
