he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
