I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
