Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
