Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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