Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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