You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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