please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
