Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
