And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
