david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
