Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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