When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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