I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
