I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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