i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
