just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
