Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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