You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
