So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
