Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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