I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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