i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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