Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
