I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
