I think my vagina is haunted
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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