You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize