Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
