His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I just put wine in my tea
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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