I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
