the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize