Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
