Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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