I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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