shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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