I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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