took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
