the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
