census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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