I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
