I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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