She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
