you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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